Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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