about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
