how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
