someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
