Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
