Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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