I think I am morally bankrupt
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
