belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
