My cat gives me a boner
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
