It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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