I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
