i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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