Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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