Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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