I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
