Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
