This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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