He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
