somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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