Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
