I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
