one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
