I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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