if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
