she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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