You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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