I accidentally burped into my bong.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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