but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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