Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
