dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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