the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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