god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sarcasm needs its own font
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
