i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
