she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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