He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
