cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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