Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
