when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
