dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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