I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
