not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
