Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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