Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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