That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
