Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
