dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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