if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
