I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
