We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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