planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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