She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
