if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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