I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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