its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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