I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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