where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
