do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
