it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
