on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
