So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
