I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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