can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
