After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
