Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand