i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.