When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?