Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.

(376): View more from

you are insane

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(901): Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere. (376): you are insane http://tfl.nu/nfoh

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(703): View more from Virginia

So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

(1-703): View more from Virginia

You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

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(703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out. (1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend. http://tfl.nu/y4qo

Replies (24) Good night (5486) Bad night (1189)
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(316): View more from Kansas

Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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(316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy

Replies (34) Good night (4147) Bad night (995)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

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(732): she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious http://tfl.nu/xtk1

Replies (47) Good night (2903) Bad night (11514)
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(229): View more from Georgia

please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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(229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1

Replies (19) Good night (7524) Bad night (1173)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.

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(973): i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun. http://tfl.nu/edf8

Replies (30) Good night (3653) Bad night (1703)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.

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(610): He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house. http://tfl.nu/tthj

Replies (3) Good night (1947) Bad night (886)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.

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(320): Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean. http://tfl.nu/p8ix

Replies (6) Good night (2498) Bad night (730)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?

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(319): Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition? http://tfl.nu/khff

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high

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(608): The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high http://tfl.nu/8rya

Replies (4) Good night (1623) Bad night (621)
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(914): View more from New York

I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?

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(914): I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com? http://tfl.nu/sqoo

Replies (4) Good night (1342) Bad night (612)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?

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(484): Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain? http://tfl.nu/2na3

Replies (11) Good night (1293) Bad night (934)
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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair

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(+31): Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair http://tfl.nu/outv

Replies (3) Good night (655) Bad night (1175)
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(951): View more from California

Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.

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(951): Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day. http://tfl.nu/6blw

Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (832)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.

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(225): I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams. http://tfl.nu/g2d9

Replies (2) Good night (460) Bad night (614)

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