Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless

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  (925): Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless http://tfl.nu/dgln
  Replies (23) Good night (3365) Bad night (825)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'll start checking the bushes on campus.

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  (778): so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually.. (250): i'll start checking the bushes on campus. http://tfl.nu/j3zu
  Replies (34) Good night (5623) Bad night (1488)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

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  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5751) Bad night (1425)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week

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  (303): I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week http://tfl.nu/xhkj
  Replies (11) Good night (4285) Bad night (1672)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing

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  (+31): Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing http://tfl.nu/rk5x
  Replies (7) Good night (4364) Bad night (1007)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3561) Bad night (1409)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

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  (812): Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/e7sj
  Replies (14) Good night (7018) Bad night (1619)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

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  (205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z
  Replies (9) Good night (1155) Bad night (2444)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

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  (+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza
  Replies (10) Good night (4290) Bad night (1568)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap

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  (587): Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap http://tfl.nu/qxhg
  Replies (10) Good night (3131) Bad night (978)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?

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  (774): I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do? http://tfl.nu/dozv
  Replies (16) Good night (647) Bad night (352)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

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  (717): if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over http://tfl.nu/5a4u
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (373)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.

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  (239): This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries. http://tfl.nu/qlqz
  Replies (5) Good night (508) Bad night (374)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo

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  (610): As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo http://tfl.nu/nylc
  Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (296)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.

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  (407): Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away. http://tfl.nu/1xai
  Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (257)

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